


No Sleep In Sight

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insomnia, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 06:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: They could always put distance between them and Zarkon, but there was nothing Princess Allura or the other paladins could do to separate Lance and the dangers of his own mind.Based off the song "Scratching and Screaming" by Chelsea Grin





	No Sleep In Sight

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished binge watching all of Voltron earlier today and I am in love, especially with Klance. I wrote this in a little more than an hour because I had ideas, but it probably sucks. Sorry if I wrote anyone out of character(which I probably did).

It was just another night in space. The occupants of the Castle of Lions were safe that night, from all foreseeable threats. That is, except for one. They could always put distance between them and Zarkon, but there was nothing Princess Allura or the other paladins could do to separate Lance and the dangers of his own mind.

It was what seemed like the hundredth night where insomnia had overtaken Lance and prevented him from resting for any training or missions the paladins had to face the next day. He was pacing, trying to convince himself there was nothing to be afraid of, that it was all in his head. Except, that was the thing. It was in his head. There was no escaping the voice in the back of his skull telling him that he was worthless, that he brought no real value to the team. That, if history was any indication, he would fail at whatever conquest he even attempted to take on. As Lance thought about this, the corners of his eyes started to prickle with tears. This had been going on for so long, he wholeheartedly believed everything it was saying. He believed that there was merit to the statements. He knew his teammates would disagree, but what did they know? That wouldn’t stop the remarks from being true.

He stopped his pacing, only to hit his head against the wall in his room, as it was the only thing currently available to inflict pain on himself. He repeats the action, then stops, realizing the force made a sound, one that was louder than intended. What if he woke up one of his fellow paladins? What would they say, seeing him in this disheveled state? He started to panic, his brain filling with the possibilities of what could possibly happen if any of the other inhabitants currently residing in the castle heard that sound. The voice wouldn’t cease either, and he didn’t think it ever planned of stopping. It taunted Lance with negative outcomes. He hadn’t truly realized until now how much control the voice had over his life. It filled his head with thoughts of the worst-case-scenario, and he made his moves so he could avoid that, yet the voice didn’t refrain from providing ideas of things that could go wrong. Something always seemed to go wrong, and it always seemed to be Lance’s fault.

His sobs increased in volume, this is the worst it’s been in so long. How was he supposed to do anything if he was this sleep-deprived? If he continued to give up ownership of his life to this voice? Lance fell to the floor in distress, oblivious to the fact that that made a much louder sound, because it was nowhere near as loud as the voice. He was too busy crying his eyes out and covering his ears to notice the soft footsteps that were getting closer to his door. Then there was a knock. “Lance?” It was Keith. This was one of the many things that went wrong because of Lance: he interrupted his boyfriend’s sleep because he couldn’t get a hold on himself.

The red paladin didn’t bother asking if everything was okay before coming in, he knew there was most definitely something wrong. Lance looked up in horror, the voice telling him of the possibility that he was angry for making noise and waking him. Keith didn’t say anything, just slid down the wall next to him so he was sitting next to the blue paladin on the floor.

“What’s wrong?”

“You want to hear _everything_?”

“Sure, we’ve got the whole night.”

“What do I even contribute to the team? I’m worthless compared to all of you guys, I could easily be replaced. You don’t need me.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re _Lance_. Paladin of the Blue Lion. Without you we couldn’t form Voltron and defend the universe!” Keith was quick to supply reasons why the team needed him.

“How am I supposed to help defend the universe if I can’t even get my own shit together?”

“How long has this been going on?”

“A while. Just I took extra care to hold it back, make sure no one would notice. I never thought it would take me. And the worst part is that it doesn’t go away. It’s as if I’m near this cliff, and for every step I take forward, away from the abyss, I take one thousand steps back, closer to the edge. So I’m standing on the edge, except this time I think it might finally crack and drop me down into the endless void where no one can ever reach me again. I’ll cease to exist and I won’t create any more problems. And don’t even get me started on the voices. Oh Keith, the voices. This one is so much worse, it’s like it’s scratching and screaming right below the surface of my skin, just feeding the fire that is my pain. And I just wish it would all _stop_.”

“I’m sorry, Lance. I’m sorry I didn’t notice. But you don’t have to do this alone. The whole team, and especially me, we all care.” Keith wasn’t very good with words, so he abandoned them in favor of hugging Lance tightly, holding him close. Lance was still crying, but this time he didn’t feel so alone. No matter what the voice said, there was proof that what it was saying wasn’t true.

He was starting to get tired, but he didn’t want to sleep alone. But he didn’t want to bother Keith into helping him anymore than he already had.

“We should sleep.” Keith offered. He said _we_. Could Keith read Lance’s mind? Lance simply nodded.

 

Lance hasn’t gotten that much sleep in ages.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr: itstimetogetthingsstraight.tumblr.com


End file.
